http://inwent-iij-lab.org/Weblog/2009/03/13/dating-scam-epidemic-hits-ghana/
Has true love extinct? Well... while i personally do not think that it has extincted, i do think that it is becoming seemingly rare and scarce.
While it is already extremely hard to find true love in our real-live societies today, i wonder why would people think that the virtual world offers brighter and more promising hopes of finding their other halves there. While it is true that some people do find their true loves from the net, but how often does such lucky incidents occur? Definitely not to everybody. In fact, i think the net should be the last place that one should seek for true love for dangers and many uncertainties lurks in the vast and open net.
It is easy for any scammers to pose as genuine, forlorn, lonely and harmless people seeking for true love. Theses scammers are highly intelligent people who preys on sincere and lonely people who are very vulnerable to their acts of lies.
These love cheats first bait themselves by putting their fake profiles online, making themselves look like a good catch and at the same time, as worthy as possible. They usually target victims from more well-to do backgrounds by getting their preys to reveal as much about themselves as possible. When victims reveals about themselves and when these hunters manage to eye their targets, they launch their first attacks, often by using honeyed words to hook their preys. And when hooked, these hunters are quick to see through the love fools and are often able to identify their relational needs such as companionship and etc. The scammers will then seize opportunities during appropriate times(kairos) to initialize a relationship and some time later, proceeds to make empty promises to their preys' short term needs which can be fulfilled easily.
For fulfilling some of the promises they have made, they intensified their "relationships" with the love victims and during the initial stages, they will put in effort by spending much time to bond with their preys, making sure that they are falling into their planned deception and will also, try anything to make their "relationship" as smooth going as possible and to make their prey feel that they are a heavenly match, so much to the extent that the victims start acknowledging them, and that is when these devious people know that they have succeeded and to proceed with their next plan.
While into the 2nd stage of their "relationship", these scammers injects problems into their relationship, such as coming out with scenarios such as needing money to cure their poor ailing family member or money for whatever other reason they they could think of. The susceptible victims, who have been made to believe that their love is genuine and are already on the track usually do not hesistate to help. They will draw out the large sum of money requested by their "lovers" and give it to them. After achieving their goals, many of these love hunters disappear for good, hence terminating the planned relationships and tarnishing the beautiful dreams for many of these love victims, many times causing the worlds of these people to fall apart.
However, there are also some scammers who are more subtle with their approach when it comes to ending their "relationships". They will upstage a series of events such as such as differentiating, circumscribing and avoiding the victims eventually before totally terminating their relationship totally. Call them the hunters with slightly some conscience left in them or call them the smarter or more scheming people, because by doing these, the love hunters will still make their victims feel that their relationship was real, and hence they weren't cheated of their feelings and money and usually, these victims will not persue the incident or ask the cheats to return the money.
Many of these victims are coming together to form groups to share their experieces with people so that they will not fall victims to these scammers again. They also provide support for new victims by giving them assistances to walk out of their shadows or trauma. While it is true that it is becoming hard to find true love in our societies today, i wonder if we should still turn to the net to help us find one with the threat of these love hunters lurking around, waiting to pounce on our weak and vulnerable hearts.
The virtual world is a refuge for many and it reflects to a certain extent the state of our society where the erection of self lies in a world where their identity resides in the perception of others and where human relationships are based on taking on different roles and masks in a zone where reality can be confused. Love in the virtual world is not impossible, but plagued with difficulties, vulnerable to the naïve and of course a feast for those with malicious intent such as love cheats. However we should recognize that these cheats are not restricted to the anonymity of chat rooms and the virtual world. Humans have many layers and are just as, if not more capable of deceiving even on a personal level. While it is justified that these cheats have no moral ethics and are undeniably at fault, we should not take less responsibility for being gullible. It takes 2 hands to clap.
ReplyDeletePersonally I do think that it is good that people are coming together to share their experiences of being cheated in such scenarios . We should be mindful not to let the hurt feelings corrupt the lesson, but to use them as a platform to educate the public and the young on the dangers and temptations in the virtual world. Love colors our perception of things and many times, human act on their heart intent rather than the mind. It is therefore important that we are aware of the dangers and when we are strong in mind, these cheats will have less bearings on our lives, and the world, a better place for all. Hopefully.
While i agree on most points you have made in this post, i still believe in the magic of finding love online. compared to a few years before, when finding love online was still new & forgeign to most people, most were wary about the people they meet online. however, with more & more teenagers spending most (ALOT) of their time online, online dating services are not just reserved for the weird & dodgy people anymore. one prominent example is Xiaxue, who found her boyfriend of 4 years (cute caucasian no less! (:) online, has shown how the online dating atmosphere has changed & evolved over the years.
ReplyDeletethat said however, the points made in this post are still valid & with the internet offereing annonymousity, it is definitely easier than anthing to post a fake profile online (: that is why i personally still believe that relationships should be built on face to face basis, with people we know in real life!
p.s, i agree with you here, but just thought i'd give the view of the opposite stance! (:
Yea, i share the same sentiments that online dating sites and other similar sites are notorious for sexual predators and other social misfits therefore one should be cautious when taking the relationship further such as meeting the other party face to face. But ultimately is it really true that meeting someone you know online is more dangerous then say the charming guy you meet at the pub or the club?
ReplyDeleteI agree with mytake101. Ultimately you really dont know. We should all go back to the days of arranged marriages...if you believe in destiny then it was already planned arranged :)
ReplyDeleteThe scenarios that you've mentioned only sounds oh-so-familiar. I could vividly remember that back in secondary school, 2 particular friends who were actively indulged in the virtual reality. They would spend most of their time on online chatting in IRC (old skool stuffs xD) with random strangers. After a certain period of chatting with the anonymous person, they would then arrange for meet-ups with the person.
ReplyDeleteThese 2 particular classmates of mine were rather well-to-do and they "dote" on their boyfriends by showering items of affections and what nots. But obviously (or maybe not to my classmates), the boyfriends from the internet were not exactly looking for "love". Their relationships would end after a while but they didn't seem to learn and the cycle continues.
I think the power of the internet chat rooms provides an avenue whereby identities appear to be mysterious. Feelings seem to be good since the face is hidden behind the screen. It piques our nature of curiosities and tend to explore the 'unknowns'. And often, curiosity kills the cat.
While chat room could provide a place to unwind, in terms of finding love through it, I remained a little skeptical. But nevertheless there are still cases like a close friend of mine is being engaged to a guy she met through the net years ago (:
I feel that online dating is really not the best way to get attached. Perhaps it may be a good way to widen your social network or circle, however, to get serious about a relationship is more often, more difficult than said.
ReplyDeleteAs getting serious and being involved in a relationship requires understanding and bonding, i feel that the this is what the virtual world prevents, as it is very easy for one to come out with a split or fake identity, causing the other party or partner to mistake the other for who they really are.
While it is not impossible for an online relationship to bloom, i guess it just requires more time and patience , trust and faith to develope it.
During my younger days, i did try to seek for 'love' online. I went from chat rooms to chat rooms seeking for "Mr Right".
ReplyDeleteSome of them were normal lonely people, seeking for someone to talk to, on explicit terms, companionship. These people, were okay.
Then there were the desperate predators out there, with ulterior motives seeking for girls to satisfy their needs.
As time passed, i realised that it was quite difficult to find true love out there, as you are either unable to understand the people you meet their or you tend to have this insecurity feeling as to whether they are being real and genuine to you. I guess i was probably lucky that i am safe and sound and did not encounter any bad experiences, other than some verbal indecencies from some of the psychotic guys out there.